I want to start out by saying that there are going to be days that are great and days that just suck. I’ve been excited about my time at my Grad school, and I at least want to make sure that you understand that I’ve only just begun. I started out the semester looking forward to the days of classes, learning something new and interacting with other writers. But I think my first semester was a little too easy compared to this one. I think the last couple of weeks have kind of slapped me in the face and made me realize something.
I’m not just a writer. I’m not just a writer.
I’m a full time MFA student with a part time job that works on novels and short stories during my free time, in a long distance relationship with pets at home to feed all the while trying to save up for transportation fees every month. And that’s just the start of it all.
The fact is my life interferes a lot with what I want to do. There are financial problems and family problems that I try to ignore, but will somehow find a way to resurface no matter how much I prepare. People you care about are going to do things to upset your life, make decisions that affect your life, for better or worse.
In my experience, the second semester is always worse, whether it’s the Undergraduate program or the Graduate program. I think that I over panicked during my first semester about transportation and the difficulty of no longer living on campus. Once I had a plan for that, second semester said “Hey, don’t forget me!”
I forgot the rest of the Universe.
I think, maybe, that I’m not the only one that does that. Maybe I am. Who knows? All I know is my year got harder, but with the difficulties all around me I’ve got to really think about what I want.
There is always the chance to change your mind.
Maybe I’ll go, maybe I’ll stay, maybe I’ll transfer schools so it’s less expensive or maybe I’ll stick to it.
I’m the stubborn type, so maybe I’ll push through it and keep going. I know that I don’t want to stop writing.
I wish I could do more, but I can’t. There’s a limit to even my strengths.
I guess what I’m saying is it’s going to be difficult. There are going to be days, weeks, months, semesters even, where nothing you do seems to work or go well. That shouldn’t stop you. And if it does, maybe it’s for the best. Take a break, recharge, but don’t forget that you had a goal. Don’t forget you had something you wanted to do. Look back at everything and see what was good, what you were strong at. Grab that, and try again. I’ll keep trying with you, even when it’s hard for me, too.